The Relationship Mistake Of Settling
November 18, 2009 by admin
Filed under Relationship Advice
There are generally two types of mindset when it comes to the prospect of being in a serious, loving relationship with someone. There are those who are quite content being independent and single, they perceive a relationship as a bonus, should someone special enter their life. They are quite self-sufficient and by no means need to have a relationship. They, by and large, are open the idea, should life bring them in that direction.
Then there are those who crave a relationship. They yearn for a relationship, to such an extreme, that they make an unwise choice that leads to sadness, dissatisfaction and broken hearts. The majority of the adult single population fit into the later way of thinking. Desiring a loving, nurturing and safe relationship, they do it: they settle.
Settling is entering into a relationship with a less than desirable mate for the sake of escaping the single life. It is quite common and only inevitably leads down a road of frustration. Caught up in the swirl of desperately trying to find “the one” and the constant ticking of the clock reminding people that they are getting older by the moment, can cause this to happen.
If one settles for a less than pleasing relationships out of the fear of being single and the longing to be a couple, once the relationships falter, the result will be a life full of heartaches. If choosing to remain in the relationship, it will certainly lead to living a life that is not the one truthfully desired. If a person has had a string of broken hearts or is very unsatisfied in their relationship, looking at this from the standpoint of being responsible for whom you choose to be with in a relationship, may bring new perspective to the possibility of settling. If settling is occurring, identifying this as the underlying problem, a person can take preventive measures.
Let us look deeper into the reasons of why one settles. We are raised to believe that the ideal life is one in which we fall in love, marry and then have usually have children. Creating our own family and growing old with our soul mate is instilled in our minds from a very young age. As we enter our late teenage years and early twenties, we are usually weaving our way through relationships, trying to decipher what type of person best fits our needs to sustain a healthy and loving relationship. If a person does not find a truly compatible mate, one that fulfills their emotional and physical needs, provides love, understanding, concern and support through life’s difficulties, it is at this time that one may opt to settle.
There are several aspects involved when one settles. A person may not even realize that they are indeed settling. Fed up with breakups and longing for a stable relationship, a person may settle for a less than compatible relationship. In the beginning of the relationship, this person will feel a temporary relief from the difficulties of being single. With the stereotype of being single in their past, they will enter a relationship full force. Ignoring red flag warnings, and dismissing any subconscious doubts, this person will remain in the relationship until it falls apart. The relationship may be stormy, as a result of an false connection, or it may be a rather peaceful relationship but lacking the strong and powerful love that one deserves.
Settling may bring temporary happiness, however the key word is temporary. When a person is in a relationship that is not the ideal one for them, they are choosing to close off the option of finding true love. This is not fair to the either person in the relationship. We all desire love. We all desire for someone to care for us above all else. We all desire the feeling of being safe and secure in the arms of another. Setting does not produce those results.
If realizing that you are settling, ask yourself this: Do you wish to spend your time in a relationship that is doomed or will bring you limited satisfaction? If entering into one relationship after another with people that you know do not possess the qualities that you are ultimately seeking, do you wish to continue doing so, knowing it will lead to disappointment when the relationship ends?
We all possess the capability to set reasonable expectations in a future mate. Looking into our hearts, we know what type of person will fulfill our needs. Remaining single and waiting to meet someone that will provide you with a truly loving relationship is wise. You should be pleased that you are abiding to your standards. Falsely believing that continuing to remain single is such a dreadful choice, and settling is the option you choose, you will be losing the prospect of truly enjoying your life bonded with someone you undoubtedly love.
If you think you may be settleing because of loneliness read How To Put An End To Loneliness
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No, he’s ours! Ours, I tell you! Ouuuuuuuuuurs!
Just kidding! There’s plenty of Jake to go round.
*Chuckles* Brilliant comment!
Oh Jp, why would you tell Mercedes? You dork!
I can’t believe they’re flirting together in the place that Mercedes works at and I can’t believe that JP told her the truth about them
if your encouraging a married man u need stp it. u don't know his wife, u only know what he is telling u. u want him to kick her to the curb so he can be yours, but once u get him what is he going to tell other girls about u? it never ends in a good way, theres always karma to pay, why let yourself in for all this?
Learn to love yourself. Learn not to punish yourself for things you cannot change now. Learn to deal, and move forward, always that much stronger, and that much wiser. Look inward, spend time in quiet just listening to yourself, and learn. You will soon learn that you have a galaxys worth of strength and knowledge in there, you just have to learn to tap into it.
no, I think they are based on things you have in common.
I love the conversation between JP and Steph; they’ve known each other so long through Craig and now Steph is being so supportive of him, simply because she understands.
Mercy, honey. It’s called love. Most people risk everything for love, for happiness. Maybe Everyone. Love is worth the risk.
Damn, Kris! How can you walk in those heels without killing yourself?
Generally i would not suggest a break in any relationship as it would generally hurt the relationship, however it may be something that is needed in this one…..
I'm getting that you have been serious for a while in your current relationship and you love him allot. You are starting to wonder whether or not you can be with him your entire life because soon enough it will get to that point. This is good you have realized this and you are on your way to being able to marry someone (also good). You have to sit down and ask yourself some serious questions: Can i be with him my entire life, Do i want to have his children, Can i love him forever the way he is? If you can seriously do this then good, but the main thing is do you Love him, and i mean love, not just affection….. Love is Trusting someone with everything, putting them first as they do that for you, never humiliating you, or hurt you…. Stuff like that. Marriage should be a bond that will last the test of time and future problems and hurdles.
If you feel you can put forth maximum effort and trust with him then do it and don't look back, however if you are looking for something else, see if you cant get it out of him, and then decide if it is something you can or cannot live without.
wats the BG song when jp and kieron are talking infront of the arcade plz can somebody tell me
Well it sure is a difficult decision.
And the best thing to do would be to do the thing your heart wants you to and what you really want to.
But on one hand going away for such a long period will be like you said torture, on the other hand you can give your relationship a big test which will play a big role in the future. Being away from each other and then coming back together you will see if you are both ready for serious relationship. If like you said you talk about kids this separation will either break you guys apart or make your love stronger
It’s up to you weather you want to give your relationship a test or not. But giving it a test will show you how strong yours and his feelings are and if they are strong you guys are lucky if something goes wrong with you, at least it happened before you got all serious with children and a wedding.
Hope it helps you
Cheers
LOL at the milk and cereal!
i guess your afraid of getting hurt, i assume you been hurt badly in the past & now you have a fear of it happening again. You can't move on with your life if you keep holding on to the past. You need to give yourself a chance to see if it will work out this time around. Just because the past wasn't so great, it doesn't mean the present will be the same. Use your past experience as a "learning lesson", it should make you stronger & smarter, not vulnerable. You shouldn't be afraid of love, it's suppose to be a challenge, it's the greatest thing when you finally find the right person. How are you suppose to be able to find the right guy & settle down if your too afraid to even look? If you keep holding on to negatives from the past, then you will never be able to move forward in life, you will never be able to learn how to find the right guy. You will end up missing out on THE ONE.
lmao,
this sounds like the lady is waiting for a proposal, if not, maybe she is testing your loyalty for her, but then maybe she is a con artist and is out to get what she wants and everything she can get, maybe she has a boyfriend who is in on this with her, might explain why she allows nothing physical. i would include that maybe she just wants to obey her religion except for the fact that it is only very few religions that not allow any physical contact. and since u 2 obviously werent planned b4 hand i doubt that religion has anything to do with her no physical contact.
You really should be very careful. If you have only known each other for a short time and met on the internet it might be a perfect ending, but at the same time, knowing each other for a really short time could turn into a hurtful ending. It would be easy enough for him to put on the "prince charming" front, whilst he is waiting to marry you, and then he might change. I am not saying he will, but it has happened to ladies who want love sooo much that they will rush into being with somebody and then find that person isn't who they thought he was.
The truth is that if he loves you as much as he says he does, he will be willing to wait a year or 2 before you tie the knot. It really is very important that you know each other very well and for a long time before you make a commitment like this and if he is the guy you think he is, then he will love you enough to wait a while before you marry, coz he wants to do what makes you most comfortable.
If this guy however gets angry or treats you how you don't deserve to be treated for requesting to wait a year or 2, then back far away as he doesn't respect you enough. Not respecting your wishes for such a huge thing isn't showing love on his part at all.
Be careful and take care.